i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
