she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
