The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
