On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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