Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize