Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
