it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
