All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
