Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
