Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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