apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize