I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
