Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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