im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
