please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
