You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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