Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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