I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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