my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
