id be glad to
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
