would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
not ubering you a puppy
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