I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
