She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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