I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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