DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize