Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
