After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
