out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
