I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
