I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize