she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
