i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
