Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
