i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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