is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
