What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
