I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
