If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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