so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
