my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
