$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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