lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
