Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
