I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
