thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
