Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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