I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
