batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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