she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
