Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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