I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
