Will you blow on my dice?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
