i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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