I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
