maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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