I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Watching her eat just hurts me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
