Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
