I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
