so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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