I cannot find my penis.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
