So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
